Calling For a Ban on This TOXIC Mother’s Day Message: Thanks for ALL THE THINGS You Do!

You don't have to do all the things.

 

I helped my daughter pick out some flowers for her teacher this week to show her appreciation for ALL THE THINGS she has done for her this year.

At the last minute Friday morning, she scrambled to find a message to go with them. She had already made her a giant sized card out of poster board, but this girl doesn’t do anything half way. She copied these words on a little card, glued it to a dowel stick and inserted it into the vase and was finally satisfied with her offer.

These words can be found on countless Mother’s day cards, and who knows, maybe you will get one tomorrow with a similar message, because after all , isn’t that what we do?

ALL THE THINGS?

Our families are grateful.
Maybe that is the outcome we desire;
To be appreciated.

My question for you this morning is ,

“What is it costing you?”

I had the pleasure of being a guest panelist at an Early Intervention Conference yesterday where we shared our experience overcoming challenges that often arise when working with families. It was a good discussion, but I got there a little early , and snuck into a session given by a Behavior Specialist that I found more interesting.

I loved how she didn’t just jump right into how to fix behaviors, but showed us how to study them; to get curious so we can understand the motivating factor behind them.
One of the behaviors she led with was one I have encountered in several children called Pica.
It’s when a child has a craving for non food items. They will pick up carpet strings, metal objects, hair, dirt, paint chips.. and ingest them.

Anyone want to sprinkle a little hair and dirt on their yogurt this morning?

I know, right?

It’s hard to understand what would cause them to crave this kind of behavior.
I love what the lecturer shared next. In order for her to understand their motivating factor, she would often engage in the behavior to see what they might be getting out of it. How was it serving them? What were they seeking?
She discovered that often it’s the tactile feedback or the iron found in the substance.

Usually there is some kind of deficiency that they are seeking to fill.

 

Let’s press pause here.

I have been doing some survey’s this week , talking to women health care professionals who are balancing work, motherhood, and ministry.

When I asked them what their greatest challenge was , here are the words they repeated time and time again.

There is not enough time for ALL THE THINGS I have to do.”

“There is too much crap to do.”

“There are not enough hours in the day for my list of THINGS to do.”

“There are too many distractions.”

TOO MANY THINGS…”

and along with those words came these..

“I’m tired of being who everyone else needs ME to be.”

“There is no more of ME to give.”

“There is nothing left of ME.”

“I’m tired of running myself ragged.”

of “FEELING DEPLETED.

Here’s the interesting thing about Pica.

They start out seeking  all the things they ingest due to a deficiency; a lack, but over time, instead of receiving what their body needs from those things, they end up with TOO MUCH.

 

Instead of receiving the nourishment they were looking for, they end up with TOXICITY.

 

Do you see a correlation here?

Maybe we need to take the Behavior Therapist’s advice and step back and study our habits and behaviors.

What is our underlying motivation for doing ALL THE THINGS?

Here are some of the common MOTIVATING FACTORS she listed:

  • gaining access to a preferred thing
  • exerting control over a situation
  • to escape or avoid something
  • to gain social attention or
  • for internal gratification

QUESTIONS TO PONDER..

What are you trying to gain access to?
Exert control over?
What might you being trying to escape or avoid?
What attention are you seeking?
What internal gratification are you getting from doing all the things?

Ouch.

Here’s what we need to know.

Our underlying motivation usually has a positive intention.

 

Just like the child seeking non food items to meet a legitimate need, we often attempt to DO ALL THE THINGS as a way of meeting our basic needs.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory states that in order for us to address our GROWTH, our BASIC NEEDS have to be met.; our physiological needs such as food, shelter, sleep, and he even includes sex! LOL

Ladies, that means without sleep and sex our growth is stunted. Ha!

Sounds like maybe instead of a mother’s day card you might need to spend your day in bed!

But I diverse…

It’s this next level that I think trips us up and gets us running ragged…

Beyond the biological needs lie our basic needs for LOVE, SAFETY, and BELONGING.

When we feel a LACK of love, safety, belonging we will literally do ALL THE THINGS and then some to try and get these needs met.

Here is what I found fascinating…

He classified our needs into two categories: Deficiency Needs and Growth Needs.

Our need for love , safety, belonging ( and sleep and sex) are Deficiency Needs.

If our basic needs aren’t met, there is no progression to GROWTH.

Wow, that’s pretty eye opening isn’t it?

No wonder we get Stuck and feel like we can’t move forward?

So when there is a deficiency in any of those basic needs, we are motivated to fulfill them. This means we are being motivated from a state of deprivation and if you follow me on Social Media you know that Deprivation isn’t a very good motivator.

Anyone following me here?

Let me wrap this up by giving YOU a visual.

Just remember PICA.

ALL THE THINGS we are trying to do to meet our lack for love, safety, belonging… is a lot like the hair ,the carpet strings, the dirt, and metals that these kids with a deficiency seek out to try and gain what is lacking.. The problem is over time, what was sought by an underlying good intention, leads to excess and a state of TOXICITY.

One of the women I surveyed recognized this and very wisely acknowledged..

” It’s costing me my health.”

I know this study of our behaviors was not a very sweet letter for you to display on your refrigerator, but I just don’t think it is very loving to keep patting you on the back for THE THINGS that are destroying your physical, mental, emotional ,and spiritual health.

My WHY , my MOFA, my motivating factor is

YOUR GROWTH and DEVELOPMENT.

Maybe there is an underlying deficiency somewhere in me that longs for this , but I do believe GOD made you with the capacity to THRIVE.

If we are ever going to STEP into the FULL POTENTIAL of who God designed us to be, we are going to have to start looking for more nourishing alternatives.

Here is the SWEET part. The part you can hang with a magnet on your fridge …

Are you ready to stop running yourself ragged?

Growth needs do not stem from a lack of something, but rather from a desire to grow as a person.

Now that’s motivating.

That’s what I want.

Here is the key to growth.

We have to be FULL before we can grow. Just like that flower in the picture. It’s got to suck up that life giving water and let it invade every cell until there is expansion, and then from that place of HEALTH it can GROW and bring beauty to the world around it.

“But Kate, it’s not that easy. I wish it was as simple as it is for the flower.”

I hear you, but can you try something this week?

Ask yourself , ” What do I need to let go of?”

And then just practice some self awareness..

When your body signals lack, depletion, or starts to shout,

” Hey lady! I’m running on empty!”

GO GET FILLED UP.

Not by doing more things, but by pressing pause, stepping back from trying to gain access or exert control, and

simply SIT in the presence of JESUS.

Breathe in his LOVE for you.
Find SAFETY under the shadow of his wings.
Know that YOU BELONG in that space.

Your were created to connect with HIM. I know you know that in your head, but it’s time to recognize what we are doing is toxic.

HE alone is your HEALTH.

Here is my GIFT for YOU!

If you know what to do, but could use the accountability and support to start walking in wellness again, I am offering my one on one

Total Transformation Program

at 25% off of what I will be charging when I complete my certification this summer for anyone who signs up during the month of May!

This is your chance to have a personal coach to cheer you on, nudge you forward, and help hold the vision of
YOU at your FULL POTENTIAL.

Sign up for a FREE Discovery Breakthrough Call today to find out more!

CLICK HERE TO MAKE YOU THE PRIORITY TODAY.

Happy Mother’s Day!

If you are not a momma, this message is still for YOU!

YOU are dearly loved and God desires to flow and multiply his love through you just the same!

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What is BLOCKING You From Moving Forward? How Our Limiting Beliefs Can Keep Us Stuck

blockages

 

Have you ever stood in the shower and watched the water level start rising around your feet? 

It doesn’t take long to realized that something is blocking the flow of water.

Yesterday, as I stood ankle deep in a stagnant pool, I  lifted  the drain cover to reveal a mass of hair  clogging the passageway.  ( insert gag reflex)

As much as I dread  digging into the scum encased tangles of who knows what kind of hair , if I want the water to start moving  again, I have to get rid of the blockage.  

Webster’s defines BLOCKAGE  as something that  makes movement or flow difficult or impossible.

As I lie in bed last night with another type of blockage- the one that prevents you from being able to breathe through your nostrils, I gave up on sleep and started reading a book assigned to me for the new business coaching program I will be starting in May. 

Julie Ann Cairns , author of The Abundance Code, shares how she had to do the work to uncover the limiting codes/or beliefs she had installed  that were keeping her STUCK in replays of old patterns.  

Just as a computer programmer wires in codes that dictate that way the software runs, our minds have mental programming that has been wired in from every thought and experience since childhood. 

mental wiring

She sites a quote from another book, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy..

” Every outer experience- good and bad- can be seen as a natural consequence of deeply held subconscious beliefs.” 

And sometimes these beliefs limit us.. 

I’m not talking about FAITH here. I’m talking about the limiting beliefs that keep us from WALKING IN FAITH; the underlying subconscious coding that blocks us from living the life of ABUNDANCE and FREEDOM that Christ died to give us. 

Yes, He is the way the truth and the life, but sometimes the flow of His spirit moving in us gets blocked by our old mental patterns and no matter how hard we try to walk in the way of wellness he modeled for us, we stay stagnant like the filmy water around my ankles this morning. 

I was studying Matthew 17 a few months ago when I was struggling with feeling STUCK. You can read more about that HERE.

As I was  thinking about blockages I was reminded of this passage again. 

It tells us about a time when the disciples saw a task in front of them that seemed too big for them to tackle.

 So they did nothing. 


 A father tried to come to them,  desperate for someone to help his son who was having uncontrollable seizures.  When the man recognized  their inability to help he did not give up. He  ran and found Jesus.  
But instead of Jesus just jumping in and doing the work he had called the disciples to step into, he dealt with the issue that was blocking them from walking out their purpose. 


He identifies why they were STUCK and at a loss for what to do.

Why they are INEFFECTIVE. 

Like he always does, he sees deeper to the root of the problem… 


He calls them stubborn. I don’t think stubborn is always a bad thing. It depends on what we are being stubborn about, but Jesus clarifies by using the words ” faithless”  and ” perverse.” 
Their dogged determination to not do the work of taking intentional steps of adjusting the attitudes of their minds and hearts  was getting in the way of having clarity of purpose and being able to join God in the work of being able to come alongside this man and offer help. 
The message translation says,” What a generation! No sense of God! No focus to your lives!” 
But wait… that’s not fair. We are crying out for God to reveal himself to us. To give us clarity of purpose.  We want that almost as desperately as the father of the boy who was being seized…. 
Scripture indicates that the disciples did try and “cast out ” whatever was seizing the boy and causing him harm.

They later asked Jesus ,”Why couldn’t we throw it out?”

His answer….“Because you’re not yet taking God seriously,” 
“The simple truth is that if you had a mere kernel of faith, a poppy seed, say, 
you would tell this mountain, ‘Move!’ and it would move.

Just like the disciples…

 We can become so fixed on our own limitations that we are unable to SEE and BELIEVE  the limitless possibilities before us.

Our limiting beliefs often block the flow of the Spirit’s ability to MOVE in and through us. 

The thing that hinders us from bringing  healing to others is often our own state of unwellness. 

 If we don’t do the work to take intentional steps to maintain our own health  how can we help others who find themselves seized or lying injured on the sidewalk?


Jesus steps in and models for the disciples how to “order the afflicting demons out.” 
From that moment on the boy was well.
Maybe if the disciples had started with ordering their own demons out they would have been free to help the boy and his father. 

What are some of the “demons” that create BLOCKAGES in our lives?

Here are a few of mine..

doubt, insecurity, disbelief, fear

and limiting beliefs like..

  • I do not have enough time or resources.
  • Their results are dependent on my performance and abilities
  • My worth is determined by what I can do for them 
  • There is someone else that can do this better. 
  • It’s either/or… their health or my health.. their needs or my longings.. 
  • Self care is selfish. 
  • I am called to deny myself and take up my cross

Is that last one making you pause?  ( Read more about that subject HERE in this post by Kirsten KroekerDeny yourself and then what? Good stuff!) 

So, how do we know if we have a blockage?

Julie Ann Carnes states, ” one of the biggest indicators of misalignment is frustration.”

If your subconscious beliefs align with your conscious desires, then the attainment of your desires just flows naturally- unconsciously. It feels easy.”

“When your beliefs are not in alignment, then nothing is easy.”

So the next time you are getting frustrated, feeling blocked, or there is a lack of flow, you might need to do some detective work, pull up the drain cover, and reach inward to discover what is tangled below the surface. 

If you want to know what is blocking you from Moving Forward in Life and keeping you feeling frustrated here are a few things you can do to start moving again.

Take an enneagram test and start studying your core fears and weaknesses.

Here is a free one at Your Enneagram Coach.

 Sign up for my weekly Newsletter (below) to get  a FREE Enneagram Journaling Exercise to uncover what holds you back and what drives you forward. 

Jump on a FREE DISCOVERY BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me today.

https://bookyourfreecalltoday.as.me/

Don’t let your limiting beliefs block you from MOVING forward! 

 

 

 

 

Why Changing Our Minds is a Good Thing: Creating Healthy Thought Patterns

 

I don’t know about you but I CHANGE MY MIND a lot.

Maybe I have a little perfectionism in me or it’s just that  I like to weigh things carefully and consider all of my options.

My indecision can drive my husband crazy.

Anyone ever used this comeback when your man started rolling his eyes at your vacillation?

” I’m a woman. I have the right to change my mind.”

But seriously, this is why I practice minimalism as much as possible. The fewer decisions I have to make, the better.

I’m learning, however, that CHANGING MY MIND can be a good thing.

Continue reading “Why Changing Our Minds is a Good Thing: Creating Healthy Thought Patterns”